the end of college

Well, it's almost here. My four years of university are coming to a quiet close. with mainly neutral and bittersweet emotions. Excited for what's to come, in the Peace Corps, while being slightly disheartened by the academic finish line.

This moment has me reflecting on what I'm taking away from college and my education as a whole. As I write this, I sit in a classroom with students around me taking a final exam. I'm already finished, and I had the idea to write this, because final exams directly oppose where I've found learning in college.

The truth is it's not about tests, grades, finals, or even most in-class projects. Don't get me wrong, those things "matter", in the sense that they're useful; but it's not where the prime, raw value of education comes from. Most of the dramatic changes I've notice in myself over the past four years took place outside of a classroom, away from Microsoft Office and Canvas: Typically on a run, or in meditation, or in reading a book out of pure curiosity, or in writing music in a goal-less fashion.

I'm not completely discounting university, as none of the above would have been possible without the right environment. The nice thing about college is it gives you freedom; Freedom to join clubs that interest you, socialize in whatever way you like, wear what you want, speak your mind. Being part of a community of college-age kids is magical because of this freedom: You get to watch thousands of people around you shift and weave, after being released from their childhood and teenage years.

As the end of college approaches, I've continued to hear the question "What would you have done differently?". Would I have chosen a different major, picked a different social circle, or even a different college entirely? Nope! Even though my major, in hindsight, wasn't a perfect fit for my immediate post-grad pursuits, I may have never discovered the Peace Corps without it. And everything else worked out just fine.

The wanderings of life, the paths we take, and the choices make out often lead to seeming cul-de-sacs of progress; Where we then find ourselves backtracking through life, wondering why we ever went in X direction, when it was Y all along. But, the wrong turns and "wasted" time are the only way you'll ever know what is right. Those diversions are necessities, not mistakes.

I'd like to say that I hope my next four years of life will be as enriching and thought-altering as the last four have been. But, I feel that the moment I desire that to happen is the moment it won't. The path to continued growth is in not expecting, or desiring, continued growth. Just like the path to happiness is in not trying to be happy; its in just being, and even that subtle desire could be too much.

Like trying to grab water: The harder you grasp, the faster it slips from your hands; the only way to grab water is by not trying, and perhaps cupping your hands instead.